The Honest Mum

I don't know about you but the second trimester was my favourite time of my pregnancy even if it did come with more symptoms and pains. The nausea had stopped which was a win! I was doing so much better with my graded exposure to be able to overcome parts of my agoraphobia. I was finally getting an obvious baby bump, I didn't just look like I was getting chubbier. Finding out the gender was coming up as I'd booked a private scan to find out which was one of the best thing I done. If I could of afforded it, I would of booked to have even more scans the further along I got so I could see him growing and changing. Although I was enjoying it a lot more I still had all the fears in the back of my head, I was terrified of going to midwife appointments and them telling me they can't find a heartbeat. Or going into preterm labour. I would speak about my concerns and worries every time I saw my midwife or therapist as it was having an affect on my treatment plan. They would al...

So a little disclaimer, this post is only from my point of view and my experience being pregnant after my ectopic loss in March 2017. Pregnancy is different for everybody, we all deal with things in many different ways. Just please keep an open mind, even if you’re experience was different. For me being pregnant after my loss has been a rollercoaster of emotions. For a long time I wasn’t excited although everyone around me was ecstatic, my mum and a couple of close friends cried when I told them the news. I just couldn’t get all my fears out of my mind. When I finally started to feel some excitement, my brain would instantly go back to what happened last time. I was lucky enough to have a scan at 6 weeks to check that it had implanted in the correct place. I recommend speaking up if you are really worried. My GP wasn't going to refer me to have a early placement scan but I told her I would not be able to sleep until I knew, I also didn't want to lose my remaining fallo...

How many comments a day do you think you get about your bump? It amazes me how many comments I would get about my baby bump. I loved it once I actually started to show, but I never knew it could be 'too small', 'too big', low, high and all the other shit people would say. I didn't really pop until I was around 20 weeks pregnant, before that I just looked like I ate one too many burgers. Which I probably had anyway but still, food baby or baby baby? You couldn't tell. I think everyday until I left work everyone would comment on the baby bump, in the end I had all my answers prepped and ready to go. "Are you sure there's just one in there?" this one would make me laugh, people genuinely didn't believe that I had just one chunky boy in there. You see I'm 5ft 2inches and I was just all baby whilst I was pregnant until the last trimester anyway. I did feel like I had a bigger bump than most women my height but he didn't really have much ch...

*Current blog posts have possible triggers for some women, I apologise in advance if anyone gets upset. But in order to tell my story I need to be honest.* My journey to having a baby hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. Some women are so excited to start trying for a baby, I wouldn't say I was excited. I felt too guilty for losing my first, but getting pregnant again was what I wanted. It started for selfish reasons, I wanted to prove to myself that I could get pregnant and stay pregnant. But then I remembered why I wanted to start a family again, why it was important to me, I couldn't wait for a little baby that was the perfect mix of my husband and I. I was in such a dark place with my anxiety, I would either lash out at everyone or I would just shut myself off. I wasn't present a lot of the time, especially at work as people just kept asking if I'd been on holiday or if I had a nice time off. At the time I didn't want to talk about what had happened, I...